We’re now halfway through January, and many people are just coming back from their Christmas holidays and getting back into work mode – myself included. You’ll be seeing a lot of advertising and marketing about New Year’s resolutions, and what you need to buy or sign up for in order to achieve them. I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions and I’ll explain my reasoning.
A resolution is a commitment to either start doing or stop doing something, for example start an exercise programme, or stop eating sugar. It’s a very black and white, all or nothing type approach that doesn’t leave much room to ease into it or work up to it. I think that this is why people fail to achieve them most of the time, because as soon as you slip up even slightly, the tendency is to start beating yourself up and then give up altogether. This approach to achieving anything is like yoyo dieting that doesn’t work in the long term.
I also don’t set goals for the year. A goal to me is too rigid – especially smart goals, which you’ve probably all heard about. Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and timely. You’re probably thinking by now, “What kind of life coach are you that doesn’t believe in setting goals?” And fair enough too. But I know myself well enough to know that as soon as I feel any kind of pressure to achieve a certain thing within a certain time frame, I feel stressed and overwhelmed, which makes me unable to think clearly and creatively.
What I do instead is set an intention for the direction I want to go with my life – whether my business or personal life or both. An intention has meaning and purpose. For example, when my marriage ended at the end of 2019 and I was made redundant from my job three weeks later, my intention for 2020 was ‘simplify’. I cleared out a lot of clutter from house and my life. I let go of friendships that were not supportive, and started rebuilding a new simple life only putting into it what I needed, wanted, and loved. It was very cleansing and clarifying, and at times felt very bare. But having a simple intention made decision making a whole lot easier because I could ask myself whether this choice was going to make my life simpler or more complex.
Having an intention helps to clarify whether a goal or project is worthy of pursing. It also ensures that whatever I decide to do is because it fits with my values and I’m not doing it to prove anything to anyone else. An intention is a vote for the kind of person I want to become. Once I have my intention (and I might try a few different words out before I find one that fits), I think about some of the steps I could take that will support this intention, and from here come up with a bunch of ideas for projects, products or services, subjects to study or research, skills to learn and habits to develop.
The magic is in the action and how you take that action. What I have found to be true and what actually works is not going hard out to achieve some big thing and then burning out. Working consistently, creating good habits and doing a bit of work towards your projects or goals every day or week is the key. I call these small actions and habits ‘inchies’, and I use this approach for pretty much everything. For example, I don’t want to waste my weekends doing housework so I do a little bit every day. I’m in the process of painting my house, so I do a bit every weekend and during the week when I have spare time. I work on one wall or window at a time. I remind myself that slow progress is better than no progress. I walk the dog every day, and go to yoga 3-4 times per week to keep my body in good working order. I’m learning to paint and make art, so I do a bit of art every day, which may be a simple sketch or doodle, a watercolour illustration, a collage, an art journal spread, or an instagram post.
The word inchie comes from several sources. In 2022 I participated in an inchie art challenge with Amy Maricle, author of Draw Yourself Calm. The purpose of the challenge was to get into a habit of doing a bit of art every day, and the concept was to cut up pieces of art paper into 2 x 2 inch squares and draw or paint at least one inchie every day. In Zentangle (a form of mindful pattern drawing), a 2 x2 inch square is called a ‘bijou’, which means gem or jewel. The concept of inchies or tiny habits is aligned with James Clears concept of Atomic Habits, which I also read in 2022. Thirdly, I have a quote on my office noticeboard that says, “Every day do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow”.
If you’re really being true to yourself, there will be a consistency in the decisions you make – what you say yes to and what you say no to. You won’t change who you are or what you’re doing based on who else is around you. When you have a direction that you want to move in and you start making progress in that direction, you start to gather momentum. One thing (project, product or area of study) leads to another and life becomes interesting and exciting as you work on things that spark your curiosity and grow you into the person you aspire to being.
My word for 2023 is ‘flourish’. What’s yours?
If you would like some help to find the direction you want to move your life in, or an intention for 2023, get in touch.
