The purpose of coaching is to help you achieve a certain goal or outcome. This may involve getting clear on the goal, learning some skills and models for greater understanding of where you’re at, gaining awareness of your current patterns, building confidence in your abilities, and overcoming fears and challenges as you make progress towards your goal.
I clearly remember when I was doing my training, my coach would challenge us with the question, “Do you want to be better or just feel better?” Often my clients will first come to me because they have an emotional issue they want to overcome – they want to feel better. There are two paths we can go down to feel better – the easy path of quick fixes and short term gratification, or the harder path of overcoming challenges and delaying gratification to become a stronger and more resilient human being.
It’s human nature to want to feel better. We want things to be easy, we want comfort and pleasure and happiness. Isn’t this what the modern world is creating for us? The internet and social media and Netflix are offering us all these opportunities for instant happiness, so why are so many people suffering from anxiety and depression?
Unfortunately the easy, pleasurable and comfortable path doesn’t lead to happiness and fulfilment in the long term, yet its very tempting. It’s easy to sit on the couch, watching Netflix or scrolling social media, drinking booze and eating Uber eats. It takes no effort whatsoever. There’s no stress – you don’t even need to cook dinner any more. You can just relax, put your feet up and enjoy. Depending on the extent of your indulgence in this pattern, doing it day after day for weeks, months and years can result in fatigue, lack of physical fitness, weight gain, liver and other health issues. It could lead to a lack of real social connection, boredom, a lack of engagement in real life, and ultimately to feeling disconnected, bored and depressed. The opposite of happiness and fulfilment.
What I have found both through my own life experience and working with clients is that it’s through doing the hard things that bring the most joy, which is one of life’s many paradoxes.
If you have visited my house or clinic in the last year or so, you will have noticed the scaffolding. I decided in January 2022 to tackle painting my house for the third attempt. This time I hired professional scaffolding so I could reach all the high and tricky parts with confidence. While I’ve been doing most of the work on my own, I have had a bit of help here and there. In the process of painting my house, I’ve had to overcome fears and learn new skills. I’ve had to get over myself in many ways. I had to overcome my fear of climbing on the roof to do the part over the front porch. I’ve had to learn to use a heat gun to strip paint, use builders bog, get into awkward and uncomfortable positions to reach tricky bits, get rotten bits replaced, and re-glaze cracked windows. The prep work is hard and unpleasant, and the painting is easier but takes care and patience to do it well. I’ve had to learn patience, persistence and stoicism – which to me means to harden up a bit!
Rather than look at my whole house and feel overwhelmed by the size of the job, I’ve learnt to focus in on the area I’m working on. And when I’m finished an area, I take a moment to acknowledge how good it looks and how I feel about completing it. I’ve had to let go of perfectionism and accept that my best efforts may not be perfect but they’re good enough. I’ve had to prioritise my available time even when other opportunities look more inviting, and stick at it even when it feels unpleasant, boring and endless. When I look at the parts I’ve completed so far, I feel proud of my efforts and happy with the results.
Tackling a goal that seems big is not just about achieving the end result, it’s also about what skills you’re learning and who you’re becoming in the process of achieving the goal.
I am coaching myself through the challenges of painting my house using the process I’m now teaching through the Coaching Club. If we want happiness and fulfilment, we need to step out of the comfort zone, get off the couch and social media, put on our big girl/boy pants and start doing the hard things. The wonderful thing about the Coaching Club is that it’s a safe environment to share your struggles and we support each other to move through them.
What challenge do you have in your life, that if you learnt how to overcome it, life would feel more fulfilling?
I’ve opened up a few spaces in the Coaching Club on Wednesday evening from 7-9pm, and I’m also starting a daytime group on Wednesday lunchtimes from 11am -1pm. I have pricing and packages available for current as well as new clients. Please message me for a package that suits you.
